Sentient Puddle

I’m getting older. You didn’t notice? Well it’s true. With age, a certain type of awareness of health and beauty issues begins to manifest itself. I don’t think it’s so much vanity, as being aware of your health and your looks. When I was younger, it wasn’t that I didn’t care, it’s just that, well, ok, I didn’t care. It didn’t seem to matter what we did, how much we drank etc, we were ageless and were always going to be in perfect health. Right?

Turns out we may have been a little wide of the mark. Certain things do damage your health, and you start to realise that there perhaps should be things you should do - I used herbal supplements to help me give up smoking for example. I feel a lot better for it, even if very occasionally I miss them! You learn to moderate your lifestyle, rather than giving things up. For some reason I get up earlier in the morning than I ever have done before. What’s that about?

Even the healthiest of Buddhist monk will eventually be impacted by the ravages of time. Even if you’re not vain (and I’m not, honest), then from a health point of view there are things that you realise that you should be doing. Vitamins, for example, are an easy way to help your body and mind along. I know there’s lots of different types for different things, but even just for vitamin C it’s just so easy to take a tablet. If I didn’t, I know I wouldn’t get enough of it (I’m not great on the five a day thing just yet).

Ok, so I may not be beautiful, but at least I’m not falling apart!

Now, here is a topic I know a lot about. Not from a personal point of view, you understand, purely as an attendee at some of the North West’s premier fancy dress parties. Through my attendance at these events, I’ve become somewhat of a sexy ladies fancy dress connoisseur. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, this is salacious in anyway - I am a happily married man after all. It’s just that girls (or ladies) seem to have a lot more fun with their fancy dress options. I’m not saying that I want to dress up as a naughty nurse, but it would be nice to have the option.

The same principle extends to clubbing. There is only so much a man can do i.e. jeans and a nice shirt. How do you make that into sexy clubwear? Undo the top button of your shirt? Whereas the girls (sorry again, or ladies), have all sorts of options that they can go for. At the moment this seems to primarily consist of a short skirt and a skimpy matching top, but it depends on what type of club you go to!

Now I’m not saying that I wear unsightly grey y-fronts, but when it comes to underwear, girls (again sorry, or ladies) even have a better name for it - lingerie. Just the sound of it is more appealing, sexy French, conjuring up images of corsets and bustiers. Just by saying sexy lingerie, women already have the advantage. What can I say - look love, I’ve got some nice new pants? It’s hardly the same is it?

This will probably be the first of many posts about the inequality between men and women. I’m sure you’ll be thrilled!

Now, I am a very happily married man. I had a wonderful wedding day, and wouldn’t want to change a thing. Except, well maybe….. I recently attend the happy event of a couple of friends, who had hired a wedding piper to provide something extra for their happy day. Now it’s not something I had thought of before - we just had my iPod for the “walking down the aisle” bit, and I guess it’s a bit different having a wedding piper in Glasgow as opposed to south of the border. Or is it?

I mean, when you think about it, bagpipes are played all over the world now, whether people have Scottish heritage or not. They certainly add a certain gravitas to an occasion, but not in an overbearingly serious way. Maybe it’s as I’m getting older, but I really like the sound, it’s just not something you hear very often (not where I live anyway!). It definitely makes a difference to organ music, although I didn’t get married in a church, so I didn’t have that anyay.

At the end of my speech as a groom, there was a surprise appearance from Barry White (well, a Barry White impersonator), but that’s not quite bagpipes is it?

Ok, so I’m not likely to get divorced, but part of me thinks it would have been pretty cool to have a wedding piper on my special day.

Just not sure whether my wife would have married me if I’d been wearing a kilt!